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  • Writer's picturefreya

enduring a loss of passion / identity crisis

i confess: for approximately two years i felt very disconnected from my desire to create music.

i understand now that it is probably simply a symptom of being young and becoming older and the everchanging nature of it all, but i was quite scared. " i have lost my passion for music " i would say. and losing my passion and enthusiasm for creating music meant that i had lost the person who i had been all my life and who i have always been praised for being, did not exist anymore.

it was the loss of the main thing that gave me a sense of identity and purpose.

who am i if i am not somebody who creates music? halfway through my post-highschool gap year (which i embarked upon with the dream of pursuing music) i turned on my heels and started studying a bachelor of arts in anthropology and criminology in the big city. it is hard work and it is a lot of time travelling on the bus and i am absolutely fascinated and eager!

a picture of a wet busy street in Auckland central CBD, with car lights reflecting off the wet road.

the period where i was not passionate about music taught me a lot about identity and purpose. it forced me to look for value in other life experiences, to try to find contentment despite lacking the one thing that had given meaning to my life and defined me from a very young age. i was able to spend time in other realms of my self. i have discovered more sides of me: - she is much more embodied

- she finds the meaning of life in human interactions

- she reads non fiction on the bus - she likes to define and debate and write essays (she is a writer too: writing in its many forms is certainly a very consistent and valuable part of my self) (i have concluded that words are in fact my art form)

a girl sitting on the side of the road in the sunshine writing in a notebook

i was busy with study and very much in mourning for my old self - i was just beginning to reluctantly accept that i would not feel any passion for writing music ever again. i do have a habit of thinking that feelings will last forever. however, in january twenty twenty three i realised that my passion for music had reignited (gently and gradually, not with a big bang) mostly due to collaboration with others, love, and a brilliant new years festival.

tips for enduring a loss of passion / identity crisis giving myself time, forgiveness, and practicing gratitude was very important for me during the process.

i do believe that sometimes passions go forever and i am sorry about that.

it is ok to change. accept change and yet remain open and passion may return, as music returned to me.

and i am not entirely convinced that my enthusiasm will stick around forever but i am really enjoying that it is here now.

a man's hand wears a ring and plucks a battered, well-loved guitar

my relationship to music is still fragile and i am still cautious and i am extremely wary of putting too much expectation and pressure on my self. but music does excite me, regularly, and i now spend time creating music often. " i have (re)found my passion " :)

i have some very exciting new sounds that i cannot wait to share with you: i have endless words to write:

hence the blogging!

(thank you for reading this: i have felt as though i have to explain myself and tell you why i have not played many gigs or released anything in a while.)

new music is still far away but it is coming - with love and excitement!

all the best to you please reach out to me :)


a serene shelf in a shop with a small picture frame filled with dry, pressed four leaf clovers and a yellow toy elephant decorated with beautiful beads

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